So here we go...
I am not racially paranoid.
Let's get that out of the way immediately.
I've been on two interviews for sales positions in the restaurant industry that have both taken a very unprofessional turn.
1. I was asked my age.
2. I was asked if I had children.
3. I was explicitly asked if I was prepared to meet, "people who don't look like me" or told "that people who own restaurants look more like me than they do you."(presumptuous)
These three questions are all legally actionable.
Anyone with human resources training would have told these two gentlemen that I could have walked out of each of these offices, called a lawyer and won a decent chunk of change in a civil suit.
Had I not gotten both jobs.
My biggest issue is question number three.
Here's what I've been trying to figure out for the last three years; were they trying to prepare me for discrimination I will likely face or were they asking me if I know how to speak and relate to people of other races?
I wish I had answered like this:
"Are you asking me if I know how to talk to white people? It seems silly that you would ask me that. Mostly, because you are white and we are talking and relating to each other at this very moment."
I wonder what their response would have been. Maybe something like this:
"No, I just want you to be prepared for what you're likely to face in the market."
To which I would have loved to have said:
"There is no preperation for discrimination. When it happens, it hurts just as much if you're prepared for it as it would if it flew at you from a dear close friend you never expected it from."
In your imagination, you rail on.
"My junior high school classmates were Isreali, Egyptian, Indian, Bengali, Puerto Rican, African, Jamaican, Italian and Irish.
I went to the University of Connecticut. Whitest state in the union.
More?
My landlord is Hasidic, my neighbors represent the entirety of the Carribean, most of my teachers were white, my Grandfather is a quarter Cherokee and a quarter causasian, my Grandmother was born in Panama and lastly, I live in New York frickin' City.
So what are you really asking me?"
How am I not supposed be paranoid with all of these white men clearly implicating that my race is going to impede my success?
I try not to let it enter into my thoughts.
Hey there! I am stalking you from over on Sassy Curmudgeon's fave blog list.
ReplyDeleteThis is always such an interesting topic, race. It's very sticky. I don't want to say I was raised to not see colour, because that's kind of a silly thing to say. Of course we see it, unless we're vision impaired. The point is that we should be able to see it and have it not matter. It should neither elevate nor reduce a person. There are definitely cultural considerations that come into the picture, though. That should be of more importance.
An example I like is that you should never show a Thai person the bottoms of your feet, because it's a huge insult. I was told that by a Thai friend and would never have known otherwise. Obviously no one can know every cultural slight that can be made, but as long as we all try (to be as kind as we can, and to see that others are trying to be kind) things will be okay.
There is a lot of hurt around the topic of race. I'm not sure what the intention was with these questions that were thrown at you. It's probable that you will never know. Call me an optimist (I can be rather sparkly, though I do slip into pessimism here and there), but I think it's probably better for you (i.e. in terms of health & happiness) if you go with the assumption that they were trying to be helpful.
It can be hard to be white and interact with other races. There can be that feeling that you are automatically branded as a racist unless the other person knows you personally. It's a terrible feeling! Things can get really awkward and I know that personally when I'm feeling awkward, I tend to shove both of my feet in my mouth (I don't know what a Thai person would make of that). All I can say is that I know that in my case I'm always trying to be nice, there is no hate, and sometimes I'm just clued out. I hope people can see that and make allowances for my occasional stupidity. I know there are a lot of shitheads in the world, but to hell with them: don't let them get you down. :)